Ian (he/him) is a recovering gifted child with a fear of disappointing people. A singer-songwriter by day, goofy social media personality of moderate notoriety by (also) day, and sleepyhead by night, Ian has been referred to as “Kroger-brand Ed Sheeran,” “sexy Kermit The Frog,” and “a stupid piece of shit” by a vocal minority of his 600k+ Tiktok and 230k+ Instagram followers. Though Ian spent the last few years attempting to be a country musician – a hilarious undertaking (in hindsight) for a suburban-DC math/cello major with no rural life experience – he has now abandoned that endeavor (for reasons obvious to anyone who has read this sentence) in favor of a nebulous Taylor-Swift-meets-Bo-Burnham vibe (okay now I want the Taylor Swift-Bo Burnham collab album. I’ve always thought All Too Well could use more masturbation jokes) (wow this sentence sure does have a lot of parentheses!). His inability to delegate has led to Ian writing, producing, mixing, and mastering all his own music, which has been streamed over 23 million times across the platforms of our gargantuan corporate overlords. But numbers don’t matter! Listen to the music, (insert gender-neutral equivalent of “bro”)!